Showing posts with label teaching. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teaching. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Laziness

Gosh I have been lazy. In almost all aspects of my life. For Lent I gave up Facebook and so I have no vent for my ephemera and odd tidbits. Which I am sure the world continue to spin in spite of their absence (and perhaps even better!).

Thankfully I have finished my last graduate class in education (if my prof got out her guitar and sang us another song, I would have probably cried or taken the guitar and smashed it). Sadly, I still have to create a professional portfolio and have no idea what I am supposed to do for it.

To avoid such unhappy thoughts, I have been creating lovely things such as:



I had started a cape in the same yarn just before Christmas break, but it was requiring single crochet stitches and I was quickly loosing patience. I found the pattern online here and it looked easy enough. I finished it about a month ago and wore it to school with many compliments.

"Wow, you made that Mrs.K?"

"You MADE that??? Oh my gosh - it's so pretty"

And there was much handling of the cape.

Anyhow, there are more exciting creations I want to post, but I have to get some pictures to upload before I do them.

And I will also explain why I will be unable to make pysanky this year (but it is for a good reason :).

Saturday, August 8, 2009

WHY???

A few puzzling things on my mind right now:

1. What is the difference between facebook and twitter?

I seriously don't get it. I have followed a few folks "twitters" and they seem an AWFULLY similar to facebook. Both allow you to post links and pictures, both allow you to write little snippets about what you are doing, and people can make comments on your "mini" posts.

So what is the big difference? You can even update facebook on your mobile phone.

I must say I am not impressed with facebook's platform (is that the right term?). It takes me forever to figure out what button I want for what function AND there is not easy access to one's friend list. Perhaps I just need more practice.

I do like the constant updates since I have been cloistered in my house studying.


2. Why am I creating notecards for this test???

I hate memorizing things, but I can do it fairly easily. I have A LOT of terms to know for this educational research class and notecards seem to be the way to go. I have not written notecards for a class since senior year of high school in Latin class.

:(

It just seems a very superficial way to assess what I have learned in this class. I can fully understand why students dislike studying for tests - especially tests where they are not allowed to use reference notes.

This is why I usually allow students to have some sort of simplified reference that they generate for tests. It is not too often in life that you cannot refer to some manual or source for information that you need. Also, those things you use most often become second nature after using resource notes. I am not a fantastic teacher, but I do want students to clearly demonstrate what they know and try to make assessment as stress free as possible (as it affects reliability greatly). Students tend to do MUCH better

Perhaps I should conduct my own research study on the effects of student generated reference notes and academic achievement...

...but that would mean a convenience sample with limited generalization and would do not one any good.

Humph.

Monday, June 8, 2009

You Know You Are Loved When...

...a seventh grade boy draws this for you.



I am just grateful he didn't put any cleavage bursting forth from the calculator corset.

:|

Monday, May 4, 2009

In Case I Haven't Told You...

...I got the job!!!

Woo-hoo!

Now I just have to finish up the year and get the heck outta Dodge.

Whatever that might mean...

THANK YOU for all y'all prayers!!!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Now I Think I Am Going to Cry...

GAH!

I had my lesson and various interviews and tours today.

The cafeteria is AMAZING!!! Really yummy food and healthy too.

I might have left my drink somewhere....

Anyhow, the lesson was a total BOMB. I was nervous as all get out (I have taught the concept of square roots and irrationals a million times). The girls were absolutely silent. I was awful.

:(

The final interview was crazy...I don't think I was very articulate and said "um" a lot. My eloquence flew out the window.

They were probably thinking "Why did we want her here?".

But the Head said she would email me the pay scale and benefits package and check my references...????

???

Did I get the job or not? Idk...

Oh, and tablet PCs are REALLY COOL!!!!!!!! I was fascinated by the girls taking notes on them! Really neat.

And I am worried that my principal will totally be negative...and I have not told her....

So, I guess I will have to tell her...keep praying for me!!!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

I Think I'm Gonna Throw Up...

...and no, not because I am preggers.

I went for my initial interview at the school (I didn't know it was one, but I do now).

And I thought it went ok.

They said they would contact me to let me know if I was going to come back to teach a lesson and to have a second interview early next week.

But instead they called me tonight and wanted me to teach a practice lesson on Monday.

:O

:OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I think I am gonna barf. Lance says I should stop being so awesome. It is just not possible.

Crap - lots of decisions to make. O Lord, please make this easy....

PRAY FOR ME!!!!!!!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

WOO HOO!!!

I DON'T SUCK!!!

Yea!

I sent off my cover letter (well, email), my pdf of my filled out application form, and a link to my online CV (resume) to the school I mentioned earlier...and they replied back the SAME DAY that they want to interview me!

WOOT!!!

I know that if it is God's will I will get the job, but it still feels good to know I look like a decent teacher. YEA!!!

So, thank y'all for your prayers and keep praying!!!

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Prayer Works...?

Ok, so Monday was a normal day at work...until lunch.

My boss dropped the bombshell that after 25 years, she is leaving the school.

:|

The above is the expression I had to hold all day, 'cause internally I was thinking

:D


or :DDDDDD


It is true that the devil you do know is better than the one you don't (but how is there two devils I ask you?), but I am SO glad change is not only coming to the country but to my school as well!

:DDDDD

I am seriously happy for her - I think the school is way to big for her and, being a mirco-manager, a smaller school will be better.

But why then did she build up the school to be so large?

:|

Whatever, at least I know next year will be TOTALLY different -- whether I am hired at the all-girls school or end up staying where I am.

I feel very blessed.

Of course I don't know if my job will be PT or FT next year...but is spring break and HOLY WEEK so I can't be bothered to think of that now.

Will post pysanky pics soon - since I now have a lot of time on my hands...

..except for that pesky educational philosophy paper I need to write and my goals.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Pray for Me

Hi all! Hope the title doesn't spook you - I am fine and healthy!

It has just been an extra stressful Lent.

My boss has *still* not said anything re: my job. Personally, I wonder if she is just trying to get me to quit without having to fire me.

But whatever - that sort of thinking is not profitable.

This is: I found out a local all-girls school is looking to hire a math/tech teacher!

I am very excited and I am working on getting my application out by tomorrow!

So pray that I get this job! It it right up my alley!

Thank you :D

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Do I Stay or Do I Go?

AGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, there were mid-year meetings this year. I say "this year" because in the 5 years I have been at my school, we have NEVER had mid-year meetings. And with the economy in the toilet, I had sneaking suspicion that "mid-year meetings" meant talking to peeps about budget cuts.

After my goals meeting fiasco, I was pretty sure I would be canned. Instead, I was told I might be Part Time.

I smiled and simpered and said that PT would be fine - I might want to start a family soon.

Which is true to SOME degree - if soon is a decade from now. Or never.

But as el hubberino pointed out, we really depend on my income to pay for the roof over our heads, the food on our table, and the multiple pairs of shoes I insist are necessary to my existence.

So, PT is not an option at all.

Now, here is my situation:

- I don't know if I will go PT, though there was talk of next week's meeting being an important one (seriously could throw up just thinking about it...)
- I am currently enrolled in a professional certification program that will run for a year and a half
- I said I was "unsure" of whether I would come back next year
- I will be 30 by the end of the year (which means the clock is supposed to be ticking...but what if I don't have a clock?)


If I stay at my job...

PRO: I have lots of cool people to work with and who collaborate well with me. I have developed a curriculum in the three years I have been a math teacher and I see how I can grow and improve (and am rather excited by the prospect). I generally like my schedule. The students are really ok, once I get to know them and stop being a neurotic nutcase.

CON: I am not sure I like being micro-managed. Two examples, both beginning in the same way: without so much as a hello, my principal marches up to me in the staff room, in front of my colleagues, and asks 1) do we teach problem solving in math and 2) do I attend Mass?

:|

Seriously - isn't there a better way to address these questions? Even I don't do that to my students - I try not to make a public event out of missing assignments or general grilling.

I have been given very little direction as to what exactly my job is: am I just another math teacher or am I to be the leader of the math curriculum in our school? If I am to be the leader, no one really listens to me and that is partly due to the little time and effort we are given to collaborate and work together.

And:

CON IN GENERAL ABOUT TEACHING: Teachers are underpaid and overworked. I have very little social life because I am so busy. I receive on average one very angry email month where my intelligence, ethics, and general person are called into question and critiqued with minimal support from my administrator. I do not feel respected or appreciated in this profession.

So, here are my options as I see it:

1. If the position I occupy stays FT, I can stay and work through my education classes, the crazy and intense accreditation process, with cool people but with an administrator I am not crazy about.

OR

2. If the position is PT, look for full time work at another school and start again - learn how to work with a new set of people, develop a new curriculum, and take on a new school culture. (this is the "is the grass greener on this side of the fence?" scenario). I would most likely look for a less traditional school or a high school position (though I am unsure if I am qualified for teaching HS).

OR

3. Leave teaching altogether and go back to school for medicine, law, research, etc. I don't know - something besides education. This would really push having children back...like I could be a miracle 60 or 70 year old mom.

OR

4. Get a job (maybe...if there are jobs to be had) that is menial but where I can see if I would like to pursue something different with my life. This job will most likely be an assistant to someone important and I would be stressed working for them from the three a.m. phone calls about the muffin order for a conference I helped organize.

OR

5. Let my hubby get a second job and I churn out a bunch of kids. Level of excitement about this option is 0.


It is just a scary time and a stressful time for me. What do I do?

Your thoughts and prayers are much appreciated. :D

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Um - Hi.

Wow - it has been FOREVER since I last posted.

I have been busy, what with:

-teaching 6 classes
-taking a professional certification class
-being married
-it being Lent and all the services that entails
-my procrastinating

Seriously, I just finished grading some assignments that were turned in at the end of January.

So I decided a brief post was necessary.

And I was tired of seeing references to male anatomy on my blog.

So, hi - I am alive and REALLY busy!

And add to my list:
-teaching pysanky class

I will post pictures soon -- soon being sometime in July.

Well, hopefully not.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

I am most sincerely M.A.D., a.k.a. reproductive rights

So after church (December 7th - aka the day most of the OCA in the Puget Sound area invaded St. K's), the hubbster and I get in the car and he immediately says to me:

"You need to stop giving such...thorough answers to questions."

Me: "ok"

LG: "you don't need to go into such detail."

Me: "ok!"

We had been talking to a gentleman of Brier, WA at the agape meal about: 1)if LG and I are related, 2) if we are the same ethnicity, 3) how long have we been married, 4) if we are planning on having children, 5) birth control, 6) how I don't want children because I teach all day, 7) how children perceive themselves in the world, and 8) how God's plans and our plans intersect and interact with one another.

Seriously - in that order!

I steadfastly exclaim that I do NOT want children in anyway shape or form right now. I am not the "Babies for Jesus" type of woman (you know, has six children and is hoping for number 7 any day now...).

I am more of the the "I need more time to explore myself and buy more shoes type of person."

I am selfish. And I am not afraid to say it.

Babies are a lot of work. They cry. They spit up all over your favorite clothes and consume a vast quantity of your budget. They *ruin* your body if: 1) you are a woman, 2) are a tiny woman who gains a lot of fat just on her own, much less eating for two, and 3) if you are woman whose skin does not stretch particularly well. (so, me basically)

For these reasons, I do not want children. They are not a priority right now - for me.

AND I DON'T CARE!

Yes, I married young. Yes, I like kids, which is why I teach (they are annoying and yet, entertaining - especially when they go home). Yes, I want to have LG's offspring because he has some excellent DNA that needs propagating.

But it doesn't mean that I need to have babies so soon.

Shoot - LG and I still *play*.

For example:

*In Whole Foods looking at baguettes*
LG: "Do you think you could joust with a baguette and break someones arm?"
Me: "Maybe..."
LG: :D "Want to try?"
Me: "Um, we are in a store..."
LG: "Come on..."
*I make a beeline to the check out counter*

Ok, maybe that is not totally how the conversation went, but do you really want me, who contemplated jousting with baguettes in a grocery store, to be a mom?

Don't answer that...

It just seems to me that *some* people out there - Orthodox or not - seem to think that having children by my age should be a priority.

In fact a fair number of people seem gung-ho on the idea.

Me: "meh"

Plus...there is the whole cancer thing.

I only have one boob, which means: 1) breast feeding = not fun, 2) cancer could come back to that boob, and 3) I will totally be lopsided after pregnancy.

I did not explain the cancer thing to the gentleman of Brier, but I was about ready to throw that in since I was being grilled. I need to learn to drink my tea fast and exclaim "oh, this needs refreshing" and sneak away.

So, in conclusion, until I become a little less selfish and vain, I am not ready for the whole kid thing.

But I have put myself on a five year plan...within five years if I get pregnant, than it is God's will.

If not, clearly God agrees that I have some growing up to do.

And that I should buy some more shoes. Or books. Or yarn!

Till then: peeps, friends, *relatives*...

BACK OFF!!!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Questionable Odor

I am *this* close to changing the name of my blog to the above title.

Now, there is a lovely and fascinating tale regarding the title of this post.

It was just yesterday...

*cue fogginess of reminisce and then a subtle change to a clear scene*

...that I received a call on my school phone.

*ring*

*me and fifth graders, who were thoroughly enjoying our math lesson, fell silent*

me: Yes?

Peggy on phone: Fire drill!

me: Thank you! Line up everyone!

*Fifth graders dropped their pencils like it'was hawt and lined up against the wall - it was super cute*

me, yelling from front of the line by the door: Who's at the end of the line?

*Zac waved his hand from the back*

me: Zac close the door on your way out. Let's go!

We made our way out to the playground, me hushing my students, they attending to my request for one second and then proceeding the chat, and we joined the mass of students making their way to the cement playground. It was totally grey outside - a fine mist was in the air and the asphalt was slick.

I had to repremand several sixth grade boys for trying to slide down the asphalt easement on our way to the large space between the big toy and basketball hoops - where we always gather for a fire drill.

I whispered to my fifth graders to go to their homeroom teacher. They did - they are too cute.

We huddle around, students and teachers alike; it is cold and the teachers are especially stunned since we are normally warned when we will get fire drills, earthquake drills, fire-breathing monster drills, etc.

Finally, the principal had checked in with every classroom and said something to this effect:

Principal: "Thank you boys and girls for coming out - it could be a little quicker."

"We are going to wait outside for just a bit...there has been a questionable odor in the school-"

*students and teachers began to twitter - there was a good deal of muffled giggling from the junior high kids*

" - and when it has been inspected-"

*more giggles*

"- then we can go in."

And she walked away, leaving her staff to corral a whole school of students on a wet playground who had just learned their favorite new phrase:

Questionable Odor

Now, according to some, there was an odor - but it was indescribable.

Others in the building say that there was no odor - it was invisible.

I was in the "math cave", which is disconnected from the school as it in the rectory basement - so it was ignorable.

But according to the principal it was questionable...which of course begs the question...

WHAT WAS SO QUESTIONABLE ABOUT IT???

Of course the students had MANY theories, which they asked me about on our way back the the math cave.

"Mrs. K - what kind of odor is questionable?"

"What is a questionable odor?"

"Are we going to have homework tonight?"

During the sojourn on the playground, all of the teachers really wanted to know:

Could we possibly go home because of a "questionable odor"?

Because it would not only mean a day off, but a great conversation starter.

Or blog post.

*end reminisce*

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

5 Random Things

In no particular order:

1. Harry, A History - This was a really nice look back at the past ten years of the Harry Potter fandom. I especially liked hearing Jo Rowling's point of view. Melissa Anelli, of Leaky fame, did an excellent job with this book. If you would like to borrow the book, let me know.

One thing that intrigued was a comment JKR made about Dumbledore losing Grindelwald, his former object of affection.

She explained that he just turned inward and remained isolated and academic the rest of this life. "Does that mean he as a one-hundred-fifty-year-old virgin? I don't know," she said softly, peering into her coffee cup as though he held an answer.


When I read this passage, the Sev/Lily fangirl in me quickly jumped to conclusions. Could Dumbledore's experience be similar to Snape's? It would seem possible given what we know of Snape from the books - especially since Dumbledore agrees to meet with Snape after Snape passed info onto Voldy...perhaps he saw in Snape a similar need to protect the one he loved?

Hmmm...I will have to think more about this. I would LOVE to ask JKR about how Lily and Snape felt AFTER they parted ways in fifth year towards each other. I can write my own conclusions, but I would love to know what she envisioned.

2. Lord of the Rings Directors Cut (a.k.a. "Deluxe Precious Edition")

Me wants it.

I borrowed the set of three DVDs from an HP meetup friend (super cool and generous). I am THOROUGHLY enjoying it - it has the full film, with effects and music added in, behind the scenes look at how the whole film came together, and commentaries by everyone involved (well, I didn't see the key grip's commentaries, but that is ok - really!).

There were many more songs in the original. Which is kinda cool because they are WAY shorter than in the book.

Small confession - I skipped the songs when reading the series. WHAT! They were a weensy bit boring to me...

Also, El Hubarino (LG) started watching it with me and I have to pause it every 20 minutes or so to explain the plot.

Maybe if he watches it a third time through, he will get the connections.

Then again, he did see it in the theatre the first time and could not remember if Frodo lives.

:|

Seriously - he asked me yesterday if Frodo lives -and he has seen these movies before!!!

The one thing the hubbster won't watch with me is all of the "Making of" features. I LOVE THESE - they make me want to become a movie craftsperson! I can paint things, and link plastic chain mail, and...hold a cord, or something.

3. Which brings be to TEACHING - I do love it despite above sentences. Teaching is never boring and you get better over time.

I applied to Seattle University, am accepted, and will soon begin studies to earn my professional certification (which is the same thing as a licence). It will take me a year and half to complete.

:|

So, I will be at my job for another year...I hope...

I mean...I hope I don't get the boot.

My principal seems ok with me lately, despite my goals meeting which ended ok, but I still had to call the hubbster in tears over it.

:(

Still, things are going ok NOW, and I have to focus on that.

4. I am making Christmas gifts - which is a lot of fun. My embroidered tea towels are getting MUCH better. I would post them here, but some of you might be getting them as gifts and I want them to be a surprise.

They are fun to make and the crocheted bags are coming along nicely too.

That is all - oh wait.

This just in -

5. Obama reads Twilight with his daughters.

Ew. Twilight is a piece of poo. Seriously - I have read excerpts because that is all I could stomach. In the words of Smegol, "It burns us!".

I am disappointed - but I guess nobody is perfect!

Friday, October 31, 2008

Hello Halloweeney!



Here is me dressed as a Ravenclaw. I made the earrings - yes, that is a duck bead.

Yes, I know the Ravenclaw mascot is an eagle. But, if the house can be called Ravenclaw and have an eagle for a mascot, surely they would except another bird, a duck, as a representative.

And the duck bead is a great reference to the Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail(just think about it...).



The scarf I completed last night. It took forever and I ran out of blue yarn.

Clearly it is not long enough.

The students were obnoxious today - and predicting such behavior, I gave them all tests.

:)

But, by far, the most annoying of them all was seventh grade. That class is generally good natured, but they were UBER HYPER today.

Upon entering my class, without so much as a greeting, they bombarded me.

"Who are you supposed to be?"

"Are you supposed to be McGonagoll?"

"Are you supposed the be Harry Potter?"

(in a really bad English accent) "HARRY POTTER?"

"Are you supposed to be McGonagoll?"

"Is that an old Nun's habit?"

"Where is your scar?"

:|

After giving them a brief lecture on boundaries and consequences (IE. detention), they settled.

And yes - those are my robes from St. John's. Lance chucked his in the bin, but he kept the hood. Otherwise, we could have been Cedric and Cho!

:D

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Data has prevailed.

Well, thank you to all of the encouragement I received after my last post. It was great to feel loved.

And data has prevailed and I talked directly to the parent who wanted her kid in my class.  And she is a little more calm.

A little.

But right now I am EXHAUSTED from working today and stress.

I guess that is how I am when I am in school.

But you know, I am TRYING to gain a positive attitude.  I have yet to talk to my principal about the scheduling, but I am trying to keep a POSITIVE ATTITUDE.  It may have to wait for later.

Gosh I am incoherent.

But, I will not give into what a friend calls "the black hole of teaching".

It is where your time goes on the weekend when you should be with your family or relaxing (or both).

It is where your energy goes when you should be improving your overall health.

It is where your heart goes when you are the only person scheduling electives on a Friday afternoon as your colleagues happily drink beer and eat and lift not a @*#$&@* finger to help.

I am done.  I am not giving any more of myself than I have to.

If my colleagues want things done, then we are getting them done TOGETHER.   Being positive does not mean saying "yes" to everything.

Over and out.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Sweet Irony of Life, I've Finally Found You...

So, I read Kate's recent post regarding what to do when life has you down.  I even posted a comment.

But never did I think I would re-read her post and my comment at 2:38 a.m. (approximately) and feel my stomach drop to my feet.

I better do twenty million GOOD DEEDS for peeps because I am currently MISERABLE.

The school year begins next week and I am in my pjs writing a post because I cannot sleep. Every time I try, I wake up, my heart beating in my ears, my teeth clenched.  Brideshead Revisited is completely overshadowed by my worries (I usually read to calm myself).

So what has me in a tizzy?

My job.  It bites.  Hard.

It all started sinisterly enough with a request/demand by my principal that I take a student into my "advanced" math class.  This student does not meet the test score criteria necessary to enter the class.  

I informed her of this.  I was met with a remark that shocked me.

"Well, I might have to make an administrative intervention!"

Me:  >:C   (for those of you who do not do emoicons, I was super mad and shocked)

One of my duties is to sort students by data into appropriate classes -- I didn't think my principal got to TELL me who should be in my class.   Not that this HASN'T happened before, but now I really have to put my foot down.  This kid has NEVER qualified, so why on EARTH should I consider him?

Perhaps his parents are supplying my principal with a lifetime supply of kitty litter (she's a cat lover.  And single.  Shocker.).  Or just the usual at my school -- complain to high heaven and you get what you want...if you are a parent.

But, today (well, yesterday) something worse happened.  I am afraid this will be the straw that breaks the camel's back (or whatever).

I had been fretting about the situation with the parents who want their kid in my class, but I kind of pushed that aside on the advice of my husband to "get over it".  

So, I sort of got over it, and moved on to planning for the year.  You know how sometimes there are little prophecies that signal what is to come?  Tiny premonitions that you cannot correctly interpret until an event happens?  Twice I had been asked about my schedule, and I assumed the same old thing with (hopefully) my classes broken up a little more over the day.

So when I received my schedule I fussed when I saw that I had three classes in a row again. "This bites," I thought and said aloud.  But on further inspection I drew in a sharp breath.

In three of my classes, I teach one less day a week.

My reaction:  0___0

While some of you (and my colleagues) may think "Big deal...wait...isn't that better?  Less work, more prep."

That might be true if I didn't love my job and students.  No one wins when you lose 40 days of instruction.  {Honestly, that is the only good thing that has come out of my day -- I realize I love my job and the students}

How on earth am I to teach the same content with LESS DAYS???  In one class my students are going to Tech Skills/Library Skills, so I might be able to integrate some cool math stuff there (and I have resigned myself to that fact).  But in the other two, the students go to PE or Spanish.

I seriously doubt the Spanish and PE teacher would be cool with me trying to integrate math into their lessons to make up for missed instruction.

And it wouldn't be so bad if it was just MY students, the ones who perform at the top of their class, missing so much instruction.  But what about those students who are below grade level? I do believe that most education research advocates MORE days instead of fewer days for all students, and extra time for those who struggle.

The worse part of all of this is I feel so disrespected.  I am (essentially) the department head/chair for math and I was NEVER consulted on this decision.  I ONLY found out about this when I received my schedule from the junior high department chair.  I have had no contact with my principal whatsoever regarding my schedule except for receiving it.

I feel powerless and stupid.   Like a joke.  I had created a survey this summer and arranged for math meetings before the year began -- it all seems pointless.  My fellow math teachers don't give a rat's fart that they have one less day.  Some have tried to take the sunny side of life "well, we'll just have to double up lessons (*stop whining*)".

I didn't cry though.  I threw a bit of a fit.  I turned the air significantly more blue (my vocabulary consisted mostly of $%&#$*% and @&!^*#& followed by !^#$&*!&@#).  I did no good deed as Kate recommended.

No, I waited till I got home and sobbed endlessly for half an hour into my husband's shoulder.

And like any good husband, he let me.  Then took me shopping.

For outdoor gear (he is getting ready for a trip).

The hubby says I am taking this all too personally (true) and that we all are just pawns and of little importance to those we work for (isn't he just a ray of sunshine).  He let me cry.  He cuddled me.

But I still can't sleep and am miserable.  I don't even want to go to school tomorrow.

I hurt.  

I feel like a moron for thinking that I was a respected member of a community. 

I am very seriously contemplating looking for other work for next year.

Ultimately, I don't know what to do, so I wrote this post.  If you read this, don't offer advice.  I don't need it.  

I need prayer.  So, please pray.

(perhaps a little encouragement if you can spare it)

Thursday, August 21, 2008

In the Street

Author's Note: I often wonder why just writing posts is sufficient for the goal of this blog, but then I remember that writing is a creation. If I plan to get better as a writer, then I had better get writing!

It's pathetic really.

I went to school today to tame the insanity that is my classroom. I cannot even begin planning for the school year until my classroom is ordered. As usual, I brought lots of stuff with me -- boxes full of new supplies and standards, a lunch tote, a bag brimming with placement exams, etc.

I missed the squished squirrel in the street as I pulled into the parking lot.

I took a few bags and my keys on my first trip from the parking lot to my classroom across the street. I still did not notice the squirrel.

I finally saw the carnage on my way back to the car. A tiny body face down in the street. Its head was smashed, brainy bits projected northward from the impact.

Another squirrel, a live squirrel, sniffed the body. At first I feared witnessing a "Silence-of-the-Squirrels" moment, but, as I approached, the live squirrel did not move in fear. It continued to sniff the body, ignoring me.

I began to fear that I had run over the squirrel. I offered apologies and condolances as I passed the scene (yes, out loud. yes, to the squirrel.).

When I got to my car, I checked the tires thoroughly. No pink blood or fleshy bits appeared on the wheels. A survey of the lot showed no trail from the incident to my car. I would like to think the illegally parked Mercedes next to me was the culprit, but there was no evidence.

I gathered my last load, a box, from the back seat and locked my car. A thought, silly now, crossed my mind -- perhaps I stepped on the squirrel? I put the box on the trunk to check my shoes. There was no flesh on my soles.

I passed the squirrels again with my last load. The live squirrel had moved on from sniffing the body to sniffing the explosion of brains. It was almost like the live squirrel was gathering the information it needed to comprehend why its friend was not moving. As if sniffing could perhaps provide a solution. That if it sniffed just a bit more, the friend that lay flat in the street would once again move.

"There is no solution," I told live squirrel as I passed. "And if you don't move, you'll meet the same fate."

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

The Challenge

Last year I had a complaint from a parent about the lack of difficulty in my math instruction. She and her husband might explain that they were not complaining, but merely concerned with the progress of their son's math abilities/skills/knowledge.

I am here to report that they were indeed complaining.

Their son had been enrolled in the "Spectrum" program here in the lovely Emerald City (Seattle, not Oz, though it can feel that way sometimes).  Spectrum is a program of the Seattle Public Schools that selects top performing students for services and programs that will foster their learning style/abilities/intellectual curiosity.  It is not quite the Gifted and Talented program of my childhood, but a way to acknowledge that a child has scored well on standardized tests.

Or, this is what I understand from various teachers who have taught in public schools in Seattle.

It is interesting to note that students in public school settings score slightly lower than those in most Catholic Schools, and the school I am at is no exception.  Students at my school have a better chance of being loved and nurtured from an early age and studies have shown that this environment is beneficial to a child's school performance.  That is not to say that public school students are all neglected or even that students at my school are not neglected -- every school has its bright spots as well as a murky underbelly.   It is just that the population of children in my school fit into the "overly cared for" category.

So when the parents mentioned above decided to enroll their child at this Catholic school for sixth grade, they expected the Spectrum program, and perhaps the Spectrum treatment and cache, to follow them.  They were pleased that their child was in my classroom, but not pleased that he was studying sixth grade math.  Apparently, his fifth grade teacher had given him sixth grade lessons the year previous.

{Just a quick aside here -- I teach math classes that pull students from the top percentiles of each grade.  So I teach, supposedly, high performing fifth, sixth, and seventh grade students. Some students definitely benefit from the class, others struggle to keep at the pace of instruction. This is one difficulties of using data based grouping -- not all high performing students are good students.}

The problem was, while he is a quick learner, his skills were not totally in place.  I had to use a series of tests and data to show that he was accurately placed and the instruction in my classroom would benefit him.

They were still not pleased.  I had already thought through this worst-case-scenario.  I offered to provide projects that would be extensions of the instruction in class and I refused to just offer it to this one student.  I felt that it would be worse to provide extension for one or a few students since so many already wielded their status for being in my class over the other students in their grade.  The extra projects finally pleased these parents. 

I would like to write that their son did an amazing job on every extension I provided him with, that the parents were effusive in their thanks and compliments for the extra work I was doing, and that he scored in the top most percentiles so that I would have to seriously consider advising them to find a private math tutor for next year to meet his needs.

But this would be falsehood.

The projects he turned in were mediocre and his scores were good, but not exceptional.  After our meeting in October of last year, I received an email of "thanks" but nothing beyond that for all of the extra time and effort I put into these extensions.  Upon reflection, I think the parents felt entitled to this sort of work, which is not in my job description, and therefore felt no extra thank you or compensation was in order.

I am constantly taught in my Orthodox faith that humility is the highest virtue.  Humility is the thing that provides one with love of God rather than love of self.  It is that detachment from the world that we need in order to unite ourselves with God -- that we care not for the world's praise or wealth, but for only what blessings our Heavenly Father bestows upon us.  

If this experience with these overly-caring parents taught me nothing else, it taught me humility.  Not so much because my work went unacknowledged, nor the humiliation they must have felt seeing their son's scores in the "good, but not exceptional" category, but that their son, who one might expect to be a cocky and rude little fellow, was one of the most kind and attentive students I taught last year.  He was apologetic when he made mistakes, he was helpful to those who struggled around him, and was effusive in participation and curiosity.  It is amazing to me that such a young man could be the product of such pushy parents.

And next year, I think I get to relive the experience again for two reasons: 1) they have another son enrolling in sixth grade, and 2) I received an email from another parent whose son will enroll in seventh grade next year.

The new parent, a mom, is some big wig educational mucky muck PhD down in Tacoma -- so she could make my life not so fun.  I am especially worried because her email was very much to the same tune I heard last year: "my child is very gifted". {The tune is like the Queen of the Night Aria -- pretty, but with"kick your butt" intentions.}

More humility is coming my way.  Can I handle it?  I will try.  If I said this to my husband, he would quote the great Master Yoda to me: "Do or do not, there is no try".  Well, I take exception and reply that "Everyone is always giving their best".

And often I get the reply back "What if their best isn't good enough?"

Well, "You must help them to do better".

So, I will have to pray (and ask prayers of those of you reading this) that I can do better, because this mother who emailed me back in May, wrote the dread word.  The word I have avoided using this whole post, but I used in the title.

"I want my son challenged."

Really?  Challenged.  Such a funny little word.  When a students struggles to be successful in school, we say he or she is "challenged" by *insert skill*.  When a student shows exceptional skills, we say he or she needs additional "challenge" in *insert subject*.  Math tends to be the subject that parents really want their student to succeed in  and not be challenged by it.

For  some parents math becomes the measuring stick for how smart their child is. I was watching a DVD presentation of Dr. Mel Levine on "Thinking with Numbers" (founder of the All Kinds of Minds institute -- he was on Oprah and our school is becoming an All Kinds of Minds school).  It was surprising -- no, it really wasn't surprising.  Is there a word for totally-and-completely-predictable?  If not, someone needs to invent one, because it was totally-and-completely-predictable that of the 12 disc DVD set in my Principal's office, the only one not opened, the only one with the shrink wrap still on, was the "Thinking with Numbers" disc.  Dr. Levine said in the presentation that a student will feel success or failure in school directly proportional to how they feel they are doing in math.  His words very well described what I have always thought.  Math seems so foreign, so distant from anything real (though it describes most of reality), that students view it as that subject that only the wise and  intelligent can understand.  And these students grow up, have children, and perpetuate this attitude.

I am neither wise nor intelligent.  I like to think myself clever, but not exceptional.  And I teach math without knowing all of my times tables.  It is therefore possible for anyone to teach math because I do it everyday.  Teaching math well...that is another story.

My question is: How do you challenge someone?  I jokingly said that parents who want their students challenged should try hiding their child's shoes in the morning or some other prank-like action that would give their child a true challenge.  But some how I don't think that is what these parents have in mind.

My shoe hiding epiphany came from all the reality shows that have different "challenges".  I watch only two reality shows and I view them more like a high stakes Spelling Bee (you know I am a fan) or a Game Show.  Both shows provide excellent analogies for understanding the difference between teaching in the lower levels of education (K - 9) and upper levels (10th and higher).  The two reality shows I watch are America's Next Top Model and Project Runway.

I very recently started watching Project Runway -- it is very fun. These folks are trained in clothing design: they come knowing how to draw an idea, piece it with suitable fabrics, and sew it together. Their challenges range from designing a concept piece (like "envy" in season 1) or designing a prom dress for a client.  My favorite challenge so far was in the last season had to design a wrestling out fit for women in the WWF -- or whatever -- and they had to shop at Spandex House in NYC.  

Project Runway is very much like the upper levels of education -- students go to high school and college knowing how to learn or at least cope with the challenges school can provide. Like Project Runway students in upper levels are expected to work independently with little advice or help and then their work is critiqued and given the "in" or the "out". Almost every designer leaves knowing a little more about themselves, just like in high school when you think you know what you want to do for the rest of your life.  However, some students do opt for the "Auf Wiedersehen" before they even finish all of the challenges.  
{Note:  I am a Mexican -- I only sing in German and occasionally enjoy Bavarian folk music.  I cannot pronounce German and it took me awhile to figure out how to say this much less spell it.  I would have spelled it "auf vetesang".}

Sometimes I wish I could teach the upper levels of school and not have the responsibility to teach students the skills they will need for life.  I wish I could just sit on a directors chair and issue assignments, quickly critique them, and then hope the students will do better on the next one.  But alas, that is not how my life has worked thus far.

No, I teach in a more America's Next Top Model environment. Some girls on the show have never modeled in their life nor thought about modeling; others have some experience or this is their dream. Same with lower school: some students in come with no experience of school nor even thought about school before they walked into the doors for kindergarten. Others had been in pre-school since age three and for some it has always been a dream to go to school (it was for me -- yes I am a nerd).  Students come to you knowing how to talk, but they leave with skills to go and receive more education. The girls on the show often say what a "great opportunity" it was and how much they "learned" from the experience, but a few will say they continue to work towards the goal of being a model.

And much like lower school, on America's Next Top Model, the challenge is usually proceeded by instruction on how to complete the challenge -- whether it be posing in a fish net over a waterway in Thailand or posing in a skydiving chute to look as if  they were reaching for a bottle of makeup.  Likewise, before I can challenge my students I must instruct them on how to tackle or approach the content first.  

But here is my problem with challenges:  on each of these shows, the challenge ELIMINATES one of the designers or models each week.  There can only be ONE top model or ONE winner of the designer's dream of a lifetime.

If I merely look to reality shows as the definition of "challenge", is it then fair to say that teachers should "challenge" students?   Or even if I didn't look at reality shows for a definition, shouldn't teachers say we "teach-students-at-an-appropriate-skill-level-such-that-their-love-of-the-subject-grows-and-intellectual-curiosity-sparked-for-a-lifetime-of-learning-because-all-of-life-is-a-problem-waiting-to-be-solved"?

And if there is a verb for this, will someone please let me know ASAP, because I told this mother to send her son's test scores and transcripts and gave her no indication that her son would be challenged. 

And if this word/verb is in German and twenty syllables long, it would be good for me to get a head start on pronouncing and spelling it so I can repeat it OVER and OVER again as I try to convince the overly-caring parents that their children need to first be able to solve problems at their own level before throwing a banana-peel-like challenge their way that might make them feel terrible about their school performance because they are not doing as well as their parents would like them to in math. Try to remember that math, whether we like it or not, becomes the measuring stick for school success for both parents and students.

I also need this word/verb right away because there is no way I am grading tons of project next year.  I don't want to be the teacher who eliminates students -- each student should feel successful, each students should be successful, and not just ONE student should feel like they are on top.  

My challenge is, I suppose, to convince parents that their student will feel more successful and more "on top" if their student is appropriately placed without at need for challenge -- that math should not be challenge laden but accessible.