Do I Stay or Do I Go?

AGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, there were mid-year meetings this year. I say "this year" because in the 5 years I have been at my school, we have NEVER had mid-year meetings. And with the economy in the toilet, I had sneaking suspicion that "mid-year meetings" meant talking to peeps about budget cuts.

After my goals meeting fiasco, I was pretty sure I would be canned. Instead, I was told I might be Part Time.

I smiled and simpered and said that PT would be fine - I might want to start a family soon.

Which is true to SOME degree - if soon is a decade from now. Or never.

But as el hubberino pointed out, we really depend on my income to pay for the roof over our heads, the food on our table, and the multiple pairs of shoes I insist are necessary to my existence.

So, PT is not an option at all.

Now, here is my situation:

- I don't know if I will go PT, though there was talk of next week's meeting being an important one (seriously could throw up just thinking about it...)
- I am currently enrolled in a professional certification program that will run for a year and a half
- I said I was "unsure" of whether I would come back next year
- I will be 30 by the end of the year (which means the clock is supposed to be ticking...but what if I don't have a clock?)


If I stay at my job...

PRO: I have lots of cool people to work with and who collaborate well with me. I have developed a curriculum in the three years I have been a math teacher and I see how I can grow and improve (and am rather excited by the prospect). I generally like my schedule. The students are really ok, once I get to know them and stop being a neurotic nutcase.

CON: I am not sure I like being micro-managed. Two examples, both beginning in the same way: without so much as a hello, my principal marches up to me in the staff room, in front of my colleagues, and asks 1) do we teach problem solving in math and 2) do I attend Mass?

:|

Seriously - isn't there a better way to address these questions? Even I don't do that to my students - I try not to make a public event out of missing assignments or general grilling.

I have been given very little direction as to what exactly my job is: am I just another math teacher or am I to be the leader of the math curriculum in our school? If I am to be the leader, no one really listens to me and that is partly due to the little time and effort we are given to collaborate and work together.

And:

CON IN GENERAL ABOUT TEACHING: Teachers are underpaid and overworked. I have very little social life because I am so busy. I receive on average one very angry email month where my intelligence, ethics, and general person are called into question and critiqued with minimal support from my administrator. I do not feel respected or appreciated in this profession.

So, here are my options as I see it:

1. If the position I occupy stays FT, I can stay and work through my education classes, the crazy and intense accreditation process, with cool people but with an administrator I am not crazy about.

OR

2. If the position is PT, look for full time work at another school and start again - learn how to work with a new set of people, develop a new curriculum, and take on a new school culture. (this is the "is the grass greener on this side of the fence?" scenario). I would most likely look for a less traditional school or a high school position (though I am unsure if I am qualified for teaching HS).

OR

3. Leave teaching altogether and go back to school for medicine, law, research, etc. I don't know - something besides education. This would really push having children back...like I could be a miracle 60 or 70 year old mom.

OR

4. Get a job (maybe...if there are jobs to be had) that is menial but where I can see if I would like to pursue something different with my life. This job will most likely be an assistant to someone important and I would be stressed working for them from the three a.m. phone calls about the muffin order for a conference I helped organize.

OR

5. Let my hubby get a second job and I churn out a bunch of kids. Level of excitement about this option is 0.


It is just a scary time and a stressful time for me. What do I do?

Your thoughts and prayers are much appreciated. :D