Nina Update

Wow -- how time flies.

I can't believe the last time I updated was December.

I have been TERRIBLY busy with this silly programming class. I cannot wait till the terror that is this class is over. I just want to get through it...with at least a B average.

Still, Lance and Nina have brought joy to my life. Well, a joy when someone watches Nina for a few hours and I can come back and appreciate my baby some more. With the hours of work I must put into the this class, playing with her is next to impossible.

Again: I will be glad when the nightmare programming class is over. And I will NEVER take another online course! If I start talking about doing it in the future, please point me in the direction of this blog post.

Here is Nina being Nina:




Here is Nina developing gross motor skills -- let us all hope she inherits them from Lance!



Finally, on St. Patrick's Day, enjoy this pic of Nina in the crocheted skirt I made for her:



I wish I could get a better picture, but she won't stay still long enough for me to get a good shot. Plus, she wants to see the picture before I can take it. I should have taken a pic of her with the Bailey's buttercream on her face after helping Mama eat the Guinness Stout Chocolate cupcake with aforementioned frosting. She LOVED it!

End of the Year

Well, it is now the end of the year and a time for reflection. I have done A LOT.

January -- I don't remember what I did last January. Eh, I think I just tried to stay on top of everything, especially as I signed up to be Hospitality shepherd (read: coordinator) for our parish.

February -- This month is also a blur. I am pretty sure I started making the massive over-achiever poster for Pre-Sanctified Liturgy meal sign ups.

March -- Lent started. I made a baby terry cloth poncho out of a dishcloth because the one I saw at the gap cost $15 and I thought, "That is just a dishcloth with a hole in it".

April -- Holy Friday fell on Lance's birthday. Or something like that. Could not make pysanky due to dyes and baby. She was still a baby then! And I couldn't fit into my Pascha dress because my boob was too big. I made Nina a cute jumper with a willow pattern and started a skirt for me...that I still haven't finished. Hmm... I also completed a hat for Nina for Pascha.

May -- Wedding anniversary: it was 8 years! Wow. I bought a bunch of material in hopes of making Nina a TON of summer clothes. That never happened. Still have the material. I did make Nina a hat.

June -- Eh, more of a blur. I adjusted a skirt.

July -- Blur. Mom visited and that was awesome.

August -- Nina tosses hat to the winds.

September -- I start making matrushka dolls and finish Nina's hat for Santa Fe. Made dress for Nina out of old skirt. Stats class started.

October -- Nina's birthday with massive amounts of stuff making: party hats, invitations, cards for food, and various other items. Then massive doll and jewlery making for the All American Council. Whew.

November -- Matrushkas still not complete. Oh well.

December -- Matruskas still sitting there in sad pile. Have 50 pounds of fleece in hopes of making Nina pants. Discover Nina likes vests and needs more shirts. *sigh* And she out grew her socks. Have big plans to complete Christmas presents and am done with about a quarter of them. *HUGE SIGH* But stats complete, which is sad because I liked it.

Still, it has been a good year. It has been good even if most of it is a blur. Blurs are good -- blurs mean that I have been so busy and nothing bad has happened that I cannot remember. A good year indeed!

Making Mahtrushkas

I have no idea how to spell it, but basically I am making little Russian nesting dolls sans the nesting part.



I have an affection for these matrushkas -- I just think they are cute. I found one in the middle on etsy before Nina was born that I really liked and I wanted to make more for her. Then I got in in my head that I would make them for the AAC booth our church is having as a fundraiser.

I have been working through various patterns as prototypes. Matush.1 is on the right here. I named her Isabel -- I like the skin tone. I trimmed along the seam lines on the inside and then she started coming apart at the seams.



So then I made Matush.2, also known as Lucy, inspired by my friends' daughter Lucy who is quite tan with blonde, blonde hair and pretty green eyes.



I left the seams alone and the doll seems more sound, but both .1 & .2 look like little Muslim girls in burkas. So, enter Matush.3. with shortened headscarf in back.



Her name is Annie because her hazel eyes remind me of the cartoon Orphan Annie. The effect is much more Matrushka like and less Muslim. The head is better, but obviously the side of her body is a bit off. I think I will stick with the regular pattern shape for the bottom but change the head seams.



More to come! I don't know how many dolls Nina (and other various relations) will have at the end of all this as I don't feel I can sell my prototypes because they are not well made. Gah! I have a goal of five for the booth though.

Well

I have been so busy these past two weeks. First it was the massive amount of church services that came out of seemingly no where. Add to that Lance's need to study obsessively for his Professional Engineering exam. Then Nina decided to be needy and hardly strayed farther than 6 inches from me for more than 30 seconds. It was really annoying.

So, in consequence, I have not been able to blog.

Still, I am doing well. My gallbladder surgery scars are nicely healed and my bellybutton looks ok -- pregnancy did not do it any favors. I ate some ice cream the other day because: 1) it was old, 2) it was taking up room in my freezer. No problems to report after eating it.

Yet, I continue to lose weight. I noticed the other day that my one working mammary gland is huge. It is seriously massive. So, this week I have made it my goal to eat a lot more food. With Nina's neediness and my need to get stuff done, I rarely have time to eat. I just have to make more of an effort to get some food in my system because obviously Nina has been needing more milk. Lance felt my arm the other day and said "we gotta put some meat on your bones."

No joke. Lance never makes comments about my weight, so it came as a bit of a surprise.

In the midst of all the church services, and Lance's crazy studying, and Nina's neediness, I am also trying to coordinate Holy Week/Pascha preparations for church and family including sewing some clothes for Nina. If I get to sew some clothes for myself, it would be a miracle.

I am beginning to fear that I will never get to rest. My time is never my own nowadays and I would frankly welcome going back to work -- I might be able to get some rest then! I am applying for three jobs that I would really love to get, but only God and the people hiring know if I will get it.

So, all is well. I have first-world problems and I shouldn't complain.

So Many Thoughts, So Little Time

I have made it a goal to blog at least once a weekday during Lent. I have to start one of my lists here to remind myself of all the thoughts that have been racing around my head:

- Baptism

- Recipes and Kitchen Experiments

- The Cookbook Collector Review

- Glee Episode = Best "The Talk" EVER

Wow -- that is almost a week's worth of blog posts!

Oh yeah, and

- Prophecy (Book of Isaiah)

- The Saplings Review

These will all have to wait because I need to get Nina up so she can be on her new daylight savings time schedule.

Know Your Limits

I have been blogging daily since Lent officially began. I had made it a goal along with exercise for at least 40 minutes daily.

I was doing fairly well, perhaps not so much with the exercise, but blogging was going fine.

Then I ate koliva for breakfast, an almond butter and jelly sandwich for lunch, followed by a peanut butter cookie flavored Larabar.

Apparently this was TOO MUCH for my gallbladder-less body. Yesterday was a difficult day and I was not able to blog.

I am slowly learning my limits for my body and I would do well to pay attention: nuts have A LOT of oil! Good oil, but oil none the less.

Koliva

My first attempt at making koliva was not so good. Lance was all excited when he saw me mixing it in the bowl and begged me to save a little for him when I came back from the Liturgy for the Departed.

I came back home with about 4 cups of koliva and that is a low estimation. While the koliva looked pretty, it was unbelievably crunchy due to the very undercooked wheat berries. I served Lance a cup of koliva and our conversation went something like this.

Lance: "I really have to chew this stuff."

Me: "I know; I needed to let the wheat berries cook longer."

(minutes later)

Lance: "My jaw is hurting from having to chew so much."

Me: "Then stop eating it!"

(I walk away in a huff)

I tried to re-constitute the koliva by adding hot water to it. Sadly, I forgot that when one heats sugar and water together, one makes simple syrup. The simple syrup then combines with the graham cracker crumbs to form a sort of honey gravy.

The result being slightly underdone wheat berries with lots of hot fruit and almonds in a honey gravy.

This morning, as Lance watched me eat my syrupy concoction, our conversation went something like this:

Lance: "How is it?"

Me: (I explained the chemistry of trying to revive the koliva)

Lance: "Hmmm...well I did like it."

Me: "No you didn't."

Lance: "Well, it was your first try!"

Me: "Which means you still didn't like it. Don't say you did when you didn't."

Lance: "I liked the way it tasted."

Me: "If that is the only thing you liked, then you didn't like it."

Lance: (opens mouth)

Me: "Just drop it -- let's talk about something else."

I guess some koliva is better than none at all.

Let Us Begin the Fast with JOY!

The few weeks proceeding Lent, Lance and I sit down and discuss what our "rules" will be for the fast. In the past few years certain practices were a given: no meat or dairy, no sex, Prayer of St. Ephraim, and go to every service possible.

Over the years I have added to the list: no eating out, no movies, no TV, no shopping for random stuff, no desserts, no processed foods (except bread and crackers -- Lance also makes an exemption for chips), etc. We try to serve the needy in some way. We try to be kinder to each other.

Last year, Lent presented a new difficulty since I was pregnant. I didn't have to fast from food, prostrations were tricky because my knee decided to give out on me after 2 months, and I had to be on my computer for school.

This year I am breastfeeding, so the traditional Lenten fast is not a possibility. Upon reflection, I have realized that I have not kept normal fast practices for over a year! That is crazy!

I actually enjoy fasting because: 1) I am not a big on cooking meat; if some one else cooks it for me, I can manage, 2) I believe a vegan lifestyle helps preserve our little planet*; God created it for us and we ought to take REALLY good care of it, 3) fasting helps keep one disciplined; if I can stay away from cheese for 40 days, I ought to be able to love others by not getting angry, impatient, or annoyed with them.

Without a "food- based" fast, I find it more difficult for me to abstain from other things. So, I really had to examine my lifestyle to determine how I should enter Lent with joy and not with dragging feet.

I plan to post pictures to facebook because my family and friends in far off places in the world are loving Nina's pictures. I would really like to use Lent to find ways to keep in touch with folks, and facebook helps me do that to some extent.

I do want to blog because I would go insane otherwise. I need to take care of myself and blogging definitely helps keep my mind shaper. Singing "Where is Thumpkin?" 12 times daily does not have the same affect blogging does.

I also want to be more active. I had heard of a plan to do "40 for 40" where one exerts oneself 40 minutes daily for the whole fast. Exertion can include walks, jogs, dancing, etc. -- the point is to keep moving!

Also, I have to cut out the TV. Ever since we got cable, I tend to watch too much while breastfeeding Nina. With all the Buffy and ANTM marathons, it is very easy to just sit on the couch and not attend to the necessary things in life.

Though we plan not to let Nina watch TV until she is two, I know she is listening when the TV is on and I don't want her absorbing too much of the insanity that is modern television. If she gets influenced by Iron Chef America, that might not be a bad thing...no, no, I will only watch three programs a week and that will be the only time the TV will be used.

I have other practices that I plan to keep, but I want to practice them in secret. The only other person who knows what I will do is Lance because it is important to communicate with your spouse what you will do during the fast. As your souls are united, it is important to help bear the other's burdens.

I always have to keep in mind St. John Chrysostom's homily for Pascha "for those who have fasted, and those who have not, the table is full laden!". Above all these fasting rules, it is more important for me to cultivate a loving heart and a soul that longs for God.

* When Lance and I went to Maui for our honeymoon, we frequented a totally vegan grocery store called "Down to Earth". After a few visits, I realized their bags had vegan statistics printed on them. One of the stats said that if everyone ate a vegan diet for just half the year, we would save TONS of the earth's resources. I found it really cool since the Orthodox practice of fasting has one keep a mostly vegan diet for half the year!

The 40th Day

I grew up Seventh-Day Adventist (SDA) which means my family went to church on Saturday, I didn't eat pork (and was encouraged to be vegetarian), I didn't wear make-up or jewelry, I didn't read novels or play with occult themes (no ghosts, Ouija boards, witches, etc.), and I was not to listen to secular music, watch movies, or dance. Oh, and no caffeine.

Of course, as with any religion, I did just about all of these with or without the aid of my family. My father and mother love movies and dancing, so I saw LOTS of movies and danced all the time. We are also big coffee drinkers, though now I prefer a soy chai latte. I think my mother had a problem with her daughter knowing the lyrics of some questionable songs, so she began to listen to Christian (read "protestant") radio stations. I listened to some of the music, but I was far more into U2 and eventually jazz and classical music. I was a vegetarian by choice and don't really eat that much pork -- though, sausage is often my downfall. I still to this day do not wear make-up often, which Lance appreciates as he has been scared of clowns, Santa Claus, etc. since he was young. In fact, he still is a bit weary of women who wear to much make up -- as if they have something to hide. I love jewelry though! I got my ears pierced when I was 18. I remember my father was aghast. He said "what else did you get pierced???". An ear is hardly a bellybutton, a nose, or some other part of the anatomy that could be pierced.

Obviously, I have not remained Seventh-Day Adventist. As soon as I turned 18, I started going to a Unitarian church on Sunday mornings and started reading the Torah in an attempt to become Jewish. Then, finally, I found a spiritual home in Orthodox Christianity and converted. Or so I thought.

My grandfather passed away 40 days ago. He was an interesting man. He was born in Mexico, married my grandmother after flirting with her at his mother's funeral, and moved here reluctantly after a hurricane hit Tampico and destroyed the family's livelihood. He always wanted to go back to Mexico, and I am sure the Republican party that he supported would have been more than happy to send him back. I still remember him saying "Viva Bush!!!" (though it sounded more like "Viva Booo-shhh!!!"). He was a drinker and smoker and a womanizer -- all of which lead to the abuse of his family, his body, and, later, depression. He was injured as a roofer and could no longer make a good wage and his family had to rely on charity, which I believe angered him. He took it out on them -- though in good times, I suspect, he was quite kind.

He loved his family though, and in time chose them instead of all the pleasures the world can offer. He developed diabetes, and ignored it. He cursed during soccer games, and I repeated the words (which I got in trouble for doing). He was raised Catholic and did not like the SDA church that my grandmother attended. Later in life, when diabetes claimed two toes and when it began to fuse vertebrae, he chose to be baptized in the SDA church and try to turn his life toward the good.

He was always kind to me, smiled when he saw me, and inquired as to how I was doing or what I was studying. When I went to Greece, Italy, and Turkey and asked what he wanted me to bring him back, he requested a little dirt from each place. So, on my trip, I collected a little earth from each place: Rhodes, Ephesus, and Pompeii. I put them in little glass jars and decorated them with the names of the places (per my mother's instruction). He liked those little jars and all of the other little things he received as gifts from me: a wooden duck and a set of matrushkas. I understand now where my love of tiny objects of delight come from as well as a love of travel -- and a fiery temper and great sense of style (he always had cool hats).

In the back of my mind, I knew he would be my first grandparent to die. He was not in the best of health and he was so very weak. I used think I would be able to emotionally handle his repose and I would be able to sing at his funeral. When the time came, when I heard of his death, I was shaken to my core. There are people that you think will always be here and then they are not. It is not as if I have never experienced the death of someone I loved, but a grandparent is just that strong foundation into one's past and it is difficult to see it washed away by waves of time. You know it will happen, but when the tide comes in and they are taken, it hurts beyond measure.

It was difficult to see his body, cold and not smiling. I was reminded of when my great-grandfather passed away and there was no jolly countenance -- the familiar "hey hey" he would say when he saw you. It is in that moment of seeing the body without soul you realize they are truly no more on this earth.

I thought I had fully converted to Orthodoxy until I realized I still do not understand how the church views death. I would hear all of the SDA pastors and family members say "he is sleeping", but he isn't. The SDA teaches death as a sort of "coma" -- the soul does not leave the body, but hangs out in hibernation until the coming of Christ. I grew up with this teaching and when I compare it with what the Orthodox church says, there is overlap, but they do not agree.

I do believe what Orthodox theologians tell me: the soul departs from the body and therefore it is important that we pray for our loved ones so their souls can be at ease.

The SDA church has a difficulty with this teaching. I am not sure where their idea of the soul still resides in the body comes from, as it is obviously not biblically based (see Christ's Gospel teaching about Lazarus and rich man). Having grown up with this idea my whole life, I was always skeptical about ghosts and after-life experiences as well as the Catholic teachings on purgatory.

As an Orthodox Christian, I understand that it is important to bury after three days and on the ninth day one should also pray because the soul faces judgment before God and is then assigned a place either with God or without God. Obviously, to be with God would be preferable as the human soul is designed to reside with It. However, if one has not in her time on earth loved God or sought after Him, it is more difficult for the soul to chose to reside with God or for God to chose the soul to reside with It. (I use "Him" and "It" interchangeably as a pronoun for God, as God truly has no gender, but on earth He was manifest as God and male MAN, so "He" is also an appropriate pronoun).

Still, I am confused. I am not sure where the third, ninth, and fortieth day traditions come from or how the church fathers can verify all of the teachings on death. My ultimate confusion comes from this question: where is the soul of Grandfather right now? Is it ok? I have prayed on the ninth day for him and will pray today that he is where the just repose. But is he there? Or where is he? Is he suffering? I am so confused and terrorized by these thoughts. Of course I also selfishly think: what will happen when I die? And will my listening to Amy Winehouse somehow take me away from God? Or is there something more to eternal salvation?

I hope in order to reside with God I need to follow God's two big commandments: love Him and love everyone too. I think if I truly loved God, it will be easier and less confusing for me to love everyone else. I always have to remind myself that God loves everyone -- without exception. The itinerant who harasses me in the grocery store, the woman talking on her cellphone while driving, the flamboyant trannie on Capital Hill (with AMAZING shoes) -- God loves each of them and I love them too.

I have been trying to get through Father Seraphim Rose's book "The Soul after Death", but it is a weighty read after a day of caring for Nina. Besides, it is not something I wanted to read before going in for gallbladder surgery. My goal was to finish the book before the fortieth day, but alas, that has not happened. Instead, I will say the Cannon for the Dead for my Grandfather and continue to read about what happens to our souls when we die.

I often recall the "wager" from Pascal's "Le Pensees" -- we gamble when we believe in God. We can risk giving up eternal peace for earthly things or risk pleasures for nothing at all. I don't believe that there is nothing after death; all of the love I feel must mean something is there and I hope I can experience a greater love with God when my time comes. I will continue to pray for those who have departed before me because I love them, because I have hope that I will be able to meet them again in some far better way than I experienced them on earth, and we will all be at peace and love with God.

It's Been Awhile

Wow -- this is the first blog post of the new year...and it's February. I was on a "one-post-a-month" plan, but Nina absorbs just about every moment of my time. I have had a lot I have wanted to write about, but have not gotten to do so. Therefore it is time for one of my lists:

Blog Topics:

- Nina & General Motherhood

- Baptism

- Dying and Death (woot ?)

- Oscar Nominated Films

Geez, light and breezy topics...where to begin.

I suppose I will start with my most recent thoughts: Nina and motherhood in general.

Nina was born in a state of panic -- or at least I was in a state of panic. As she was positioned in such an odd angle, there was no dilation and her heart rate kept plummeting every time I had a contraction. The doctor finally said "ok, your baby is not liking labor, and we need to get her out!" and we were ferried to the surgery at lightening speed.

When you hear the heartbeat you have heard for nine months suddenly slow and stop, something happens to you that is hard to describe. Whether it is instinct or emotion, a wave of panic came over me. It was the sort of frantic panic one has when things do not go according to plan for something very important. A very strange thing happened: I began to pray frantically.

Now, normally when the poo hits the fan, I either get super mad or I pray. I fully anticipated that if anything went wrong in labor, I would get super mad. It didn't happen; perhaps because it was possible that my child would die or perhaps because I realized getting super mad was not going to solve anything. I am just glad I could remember how to pray.

I whispered my prayers -- not a sound left my mouth. Lance said he could tell what I was doing : the way my eyes looked and the way my lips quivered.

The first prayer that popped into my head was "Have mercy on us O God, for we have put our hope in Thee. Be not angry with us greatly neither remember our iniquity, but look upon us now as Thou art compassionate." I have no idea where this is from (Psalms?), but it popped into my head. I prayed the "Hail, Mary" (known in Orthodox circles as "Rejoice, O Virgin") over and over along with the "Our Father" (even in Slavonic).

The anthesiologists (I had two) were trying to get a spinal tap going and I was not cooperating. One of them said "If we can't get this in, we are going to knock you out". Oddly enough, what helped me remain still and steady as they put the needle in was thinking "what would Lisabeth Salandar do?".

I did not set them or their cars on fire.

Instead, I neatly curved my back as I had been instructed and took the pain, like Lisabeth Salander would, knowing it was all for a great purpose.

As they began the extraction process, I returned to prayer and started the 50th Psalm (Have mercy on me, O God, etc.) figuring that if I bit it, I would at least be started on the Psalms for the funeral.

Lance said he peaked around the curtain and saw my bladder hanging out where it ought not be. He quickly returned to my side of the curtain. Soon we heard cries and one of the nurses showed us our wriggling bundle of pinkness. I took one look at her and thought "Nina Sophie" - - it came to me quickly and without hesitation.

And since then, motherhood has been a series of unpredictable events and stumbling blocks no one can anticipate.

I have been to lactation "workshops" with mothers running around with no shoes on, talking about how they needed an "outing" when I was trying to get help feeding Nina on just one breast ('cause I only have one). I have been to the pediatrician with other screaming children hoping that mine does not join the chorus. I have had not one, but THREE diaper blowouts at one venue. I am amazed at the vast amounts of laundry as Nina tends to "cheese" and does often when I have finally had a chance to take a shower.

I have said this often recently: motherhood is not intellectually straining as much as it is emotionally and physically demanding. I am rather good at being intellectually challenged as I think any human is. But I find myself quite the weakling when it comes to remaining emotionally balanced and physically capable of tending to a little person.

I get so frustrated with her, but constantly remind myself that she has not been in the country for that long. I recognized in myself that if I am not physically at least 50%, that is operating on half the amount of sleep and food I would normally have, I will not be able to take care of her. It has all become a balancing act: finding ways to keep my constantly busy mind engaged while still taking care of physical and emotional myself so I can take care of her.

I am also looking for a job because I don't think I can continue in this vein of work. I purposefully gave myself no job so that I could find out if I liked being a full-time mom. I have come to the conclusion that I do not like being a mom 24-7. It is hard work and I am not cut out for it. Since the stork does not accept returns, I must return to work so that I can better appreciate her. I am so grateful that I live in a time where this is possible, that I can decide what is best for my family.

Of course, returning to work during a recession is not easy and especially so when you also factor in childcare. Still, I return to prayer and know that God blessed us with Nina and so He will bless me with work when the time is right. I just have to continue to put hope in Him.

Lessons Learned

We have been so incredibly lucky to have generous friends. We have baby gear coming out our ears and I can't think of any gadget, gizmo, or what not that we still need.

Some friends of the family kindly loaned us a bassinet, which means we didn't have to plop down $300 to $600 on a new bassinet.

It also meant a compromise between Lance and I - he wants the baby in the bed and I say "no way". He is caught up in the moment of having a little person in his arms and I am thinking that I will be with the little person all day and will want my space. I am also not convinced it is entirely safe since my own parents had an incident when they tried keeping me in the bed. Apparently I got stuck between the bed and wall - explains a lot, doesn't it?

Anyhow, the loaner bassinet is old, in great condition, and will allow us to keep the little one in our bedroom. Because it is an older style, I had to special order a mattress, which was surprisingly affordable and fits it well. I was able to find a set of two bassinet sheets at Ross for $2 and they held up in the wash and are pretty soft. I felt I had done everything possible to update and prepare the bassinet for the baby.

Looks great,no? I like that someone stenciled a design on the side - sign of the 80's!

View from above - I think it looks ready for a baby.

Lance was of the opinion that we needed a liner. I think the metal sides worried him. We could order one online for $30, but most of them were frilly and looked odd. So, I decided to test my recently acquired sewing skills to see if I could create a liner.

It was nothing short of disaster.

First, I forgot that I hadn't washed the fabric I was using for the sides. I also had no pattern - I thought I would just use my math skills and "wing it". Above all, I had no idea what I was doing.

It doesn't look too bad from above, but you might notice the oddly shaped corner on the left (along with a bit of my toe and belly!).

It is a bit more apparent in this photo. When I took this photo, I was still working on repairing the odd corner. I had washed the material by this time and it had shrunk and I had to rip out the whole corner, find some scrap fabric because I had already pinked that area, and then piece something together. It was really difficult, especially as I had already added the elastic.

Final product:

I had originally thought to put the material I used for the deck (bottom) as the material for the sides. I am glad I didn't - it is a bit loud!

Unfortuntely, that corner still looked odd, but I didn't have the mattress in yet.

It continued to look weird, but a little better than when it came out of the wash.

To test the stability of the liner, I used two 3-lb weights to serve in place of a baby. As you can see, that corner is still odd. I did have the elastic edge pulled toward the upper frame and not over the handles. Also, a bit of my belly managed to make it into the frame!

When I place the edge over the handles, it looks like this:

It looks more stable and generally better. As the child gets heavier, I am hoping the liner will hold up. I suspect it will or I might make another now that I have a better idea of what I am doing.

In short, the lessons I learned are:

1) Always wash the fabric! I should have known I had not because there was no fraying on the cotton fabric! Geez - what was I thinking!

2) When sewing for three dimensional space, allow more fabric than you think. I should not have pinked the edges until I had washed the whole thing that way the seams had time to adjust. I should have also waited to add the elastic till I was absolutely sure about the sides and given myself plenty of fabric to use.

3) A magnetic assistant is invaluable - it helped pick up stray pins out of the bassinet as well as off the floor. I chose the cheap route and used this little guy a student gave me a while ago.
Yes, it is a magnetic from Senor Frog. Don't dis the frog - he worked just as hard as I did on this liner!

Too Much Crying Today...

Gah - I find pregnancy an uncomfortable experience. My emotions always seem to close the surface.

Today a member of our parish and a really extraordinary person reposed today. Though it was expected that Flore would pass soon, it did not make it any easier. He will be missed so very much.

Sadly, most of my crying today has not been about Flore. No, crying over the passing of a wonderful person is acceptable. I cried over food.

That's right - food.

Now, I really dislike when people, in conversation with me, begin sentences with "Well, you are pregnant...". Pregnancy is not a mentally or physically debilitating disease - it is merely uncomfortable but women are able to function quite well (thank you very much).

So, to read that I cried about food today, one might think "Oh, well, she's pregnant, so...".

I would urge you to read on to get the full picture as to why I would shed tears over food.

The development up the road from our home has taken off - in a sense. The condos have not sold and the apartments are only partially full, but the restaurants and movie theatres are doing quite well. Due to a lack of meat and vegetables in the house, as well as a need to get outside, I decided to take a walk to this development to find something for lunch. Plodding through the labyrinth of stairs and walkways, I found myself in the heart of the cement monstrosity where the movie theatre and several restaurants reside.

Deciding I was not in the mood for sushi, I was left with two choices: "Jewel Box" or "Five Guys - Burgers and Fries".

I went with the Jewel Box.

The restaurant itself is very cozy - dark wood paneling, large velvet seats and couches, and an impressive fire place. The food, on the other hand, is quite odd. I would not call this a restaurant but instead a coffee shop as it, along with pastries, is all this shop appears to be good at producing. Plus, many people were sitting around tables on laptops or reading books and seemed content sipping warm beverages and eating croissants.

Against my better judgement, I ordered a meatloaf sandwich. I knew in the back of my mind I was not going to have a pleasant experience because:

1. There was a wide assortment of bubble tea on the menu
2. Daikon and cucumber were listed as toppings for the sandwich (remember, it is a meatloaf sandwich)
3. There were lemon slices in the water container (not that lemon is bad, but one must know they probably did not wash the lemon before they put it in the container)

When I received my sandwich, I found pinkish-grey ground meat plopped on one side of the bread and cilantro, mayo, and cucumber piled on the other. Opposite the sandwich sat some limp lettuce covered in shredded cheese and black olives further wilting on the warm plate.

I nearly threw up.

Now, pregnancy has not made me a picky eater - I have been picky all my life. Still, the presentation of this sandwich was disgusting and not worth the ten dollars I spent on the meal. I gave it my best go - I pecked at the baguette, tried the salad (the dressing was sweet - why?), but I could not bring myself to touch the mounds of goo that was supposed to pass for meatloaf.

So I began to cry. I could tell people were looking at me. I know L would kill me for purchasing food this expensive and not eating it . Had I a job, this would not be a big deal. However, I am unemployed, expecting a child, and very hungry. All I could think to do is cry and try to think of how I could get my money back.

I waited till it seemed the counter was clear and I took my plate up there. I explained that I was not one to complain about food, that I found the presentation of this meal unpleasant and I could not eat it, and could I please have my money back.

Of course, I am crying while saying this - which is the only thing I can blame on my pregnancy. If I had not been pregnant, I would have been more calm. Especially when the gal at the counter said "No, we can't give you your money back". I started to sob at this.

I explained that I really could not waste my money on food that I didn't eat because of its unappealing lack of presentation. She did not offer me another dish; she simply said she could not give me my money back.

"Have you had a baguette sandwich before, "she asked.

If I had not been pregnant, and therefore emotional, I would have schooled her in the fact that I have had many a baguette sandwiches, some for the same price as her sorry sandwich, that were much more appealing and loaded with better quality ingredients (Baguette Box comes to mind).

However, I simply replied "yes".

Then a slew of customers began lining up behind me and having a crying pregnant woman is bad for business. So she gave me a gift card for the restaurant instead of reimbursing my credit card. Now, that doesn't seem right ot me, and I am thinking of posing this question to a few lawyers I know, but really is it worth it to get upset over a $10 sandwich?

Upon receiving my gift card, I scurried out of there as quickly as I could to Five Guys - Burgers and Fries. Having inhaled a delicious cheeseburger (the tomato was mealy, but given my earlier experience, I let it go), I felt much better. I also was quite impressed with the Five Guys establishment - the potatoes looked real, the toppings for the burgers seemingly endless, no trans fat, and a very tasty burger for under $5.

So, lesson learned - when I go to Thorton Creek Cinema to watch the next Harry Potter movie, I will use my gift certificate at the Jewel Box to purchase a pre-made something or other to sneak into the theatre. Then I will go to Five Guys for dinner.

I just hope L isn't too upset over the $15 I spent on lunch.

Sewing

When I got married, my mother insisted that she make my wedding dress. I had found a dress I liked, the dressmaker wanted $700 for it (pretty reasonable), and I was willing to pay. However, typical of our family, my mother looked at it and said "I can make that". So she did.

The unfortunate thing is I had cancer and I didn't know it. I continued to lose weight and I believe I was around 90 pounds when Lance and I got married. So, my mother travelled to Santa Fe and found I had lost more weight (I was perhaps 95 pounds at the initial measuring) and was forced to alter my dress, which meant buying a sewing machine.

My grandmother was the one who made the purchase and gave it to me as a wedding gift. I took it with a smile knowing that it would remain in my closet for years to come.

My mother is great seamstress and I helped her cut and pin several projects growing up. However, sitting at the machine and pressing the pedal was beyond my abilities. My reluctance to sew stems from a deep fear of needles and it has been with me long before I ever saw designers get injured on "Project Runway".

I had longed to conquer this fear of the sewing machine, but unfortunately my usual strategy of not looking at the needle when I am near it does not work for this activity. It is all well and good to turn away when you get blood drawn, but one must pay attention to the position of the needle when sewing.

When I learned I was pregnant, I was excited (for some reason) about sewing. But where to begin? I selected fabrics, I purchased patterns, and even showed them to my mom. She was more than willing to sew all of it for me, but I really wanted to do it myself. Part of the reason might be that it is a skill I would like to pass on to my children. I learned how to crochet and embroider from watching my grandma and mom, so surely sewing could be something I could pick up on sight.

That turned out not to be the case. My mother would guide me through the process, but I was still quite frightened of the machine. I freighted over what I would do with all of this material and notions I had purchased -- it seemed like a waste.

Happily, my friend Emily Lorelli was more than willing to help guide me through the process. Some how working with her helped me conquer my fear of the machine. Perhaps I needed to view more than one person operating it without harm to convince me that I too could sew.

This afternoon I forced myself onto the machine. Taking a few scraps, I tested out my skills - I am not very good at keeping the stitches straight.

"Whatever," I internally said, "I'm getting this finished."

Emily had pieced and sewed most of the crib sheet last Saturday and the only thing it needed was three more corners of elastic. And so I sat down, stretched the elastic, pinned it, and sewed it!

And here is the finished product!

The crib is from Peg and Gregg - they purchased it at Land of Nod for us. I like it - it is very simple.

I wanted a gender neutral pattern not only because we are not sure of the gender of our child, but I am not into frilly, girly stuff.

Hurray for froggies! I used this material in my classroom, and I washed TWICE before I sewed with it. Here is the pattern up close.

It is a bit blurry, but one gets the gist - it is colorful and cute!

Next up is a dust ruffle for the crib, which will take a bit of time. The nice thing is knowing I have Emily as in-state tech support and a book to reference. Onward!

Laziness

Gosh I have been lazy. In almost all aspects of my life. For Lent I gave up Facebook and so I have no vent for my ephemera and odd tidbits. Which I am sure the world continue to spin in spite of their absence (and perhaps even better!).

Thankfully I have finished my last graduate class in education (if my prof got out her guitar and sang us another song, I would have probably cried or taken the guitar and smashed it). Sadly, I still have to create a professional portfolio and have no idea what I am supposed to do for it.

To avoid such unhappy thoughts, I have been creating lovely things such as:



I had started a cape in the same yarn just before Christmas break, but it was requiring single crochet stitches and I was quickly loosing patience. I found the pattern online here and it looked easy enough. I finished it about a month ago and wore it to school with many compliments.

"Wow, you made that Mrs.K?"

"You MADE that??? Oh my gosh - it's so pretty"

And there was much handling of the cape.

Anyhow, there are more exciting creations I want to post, but I have to get some pictures to upload before I do them.

And I will also explain why I will be unable to make pysanky this year (but it is for a good reason :).

Emma - both book and new adaptation

I was listening to NPR one afternoon and a piece on blogging started. I snorted when the commentator said that blogs must "be kept up daily - it is a duty".

Duty my left foot - this is my first entry of 2010!

I am finding facebook a welcome way to keep up with friends and their thoughts/ideas. Still, I want to try to keep up with my blogging habit in some way and decided to re-read Emma (by Jane Austen) and give a critque.

To start, my first encounters with Emma were through film - "Clueless", "Emma" with Gwenth Paltrow, and "Emma" with Kate Beckensale. I liked the films - I found it a funny and well done plot. The character of Emma was so entirely stupid, she was charming.

When I began reading Emma, however, I found it less appealing. Unlike the other Jane Austen novels, there is more dialog. It almost reads like a script - two characters get a chapter and converse. Typical of Jane Austen, there is little description - one must create the setting and her language gives your mind ideas of a characters expression/posture.

The dialog itself would not be unappealing if it were not for characters like Miss Bates. Anytime she begins to speak it is best to skip ahead to where the quotes end. Jane Austen no doubt choose to "let" Miss Bates talk instead of perpetually saying that Miss Bates "went on and on about a topic that no one found particularly intersting and that she did not illumine so that it might be interesting."

I do feel for Miss Bates however - I fear I can be just as verbose and boring. My own mother said of my blog that "she could not read that much."

Then along came the new series on PBS. The first night I found a bit interesting - it gave a lot of unnecessary backstory. The backstory however brought up a lot of interesting character parallels. I never once considered that Emma, Frank Churchill, and Jane Fairfax grew up motherless. What that says of the rest of the novel, I do not know, but it was interesting that the new visual adapation made me ponder this fact.

The second night was slightly better - the story speed up, Emma (played by Rommola Garai) continued to charm. But I still was not totally engrossed.

The last night of the series just plain made me mad! There were additional scenes, conversations that never took place - it was sloppy. Not as bad as the recent version of Persuasion where Anne Elliot was a marathon runner at the end, but pretty darn close. I don't think Jane Fairfax and Emma Woodhouse would ever have a heart to heart about Frank's behavior - but there it was, bold as brass.

It stunk to high heaven.

And I was not sure what to make of Mr. Knightly and Emma looking at the white cliffs of Dover as they headed out on their honeymoon. It was odd.

I will say this about all adaptions of Emma - whoever they get to play Mrs. Elton is always DEAD ON. Perhaps because her character is such a, well, character, it is easy to portray. But even the costuming for her in the adaption was perfect - too much lace, ribbon, and ruffles. They even had her on a donkey. Priceless.

But a well played Mrs. Elton does not a good adapation of Emma make and I would suggest skipping it if you have not already.

I Am a Lemming...

...just joined facebook under "Lia Mey".

If you are thinking of friending me, I refer you to this eloquent post.

Um - Hi.

Wow - it has been FOREVER since I last posted.

I have been busy, what with:

-teaching 6 classes
-taking a professional certification class
-being married
-it being Lent and all the services that entails
-my procrastinating

Seriously, I just finished grading some assignments that were turned in at the end of January.

So I decided a brief post was necessary.

And I was tired of seeing references to male anatomy on my blog.

So, hi - I am alive and REALLY busy!

And add to my list:
-teaching pysanky class

I will post pictures soon -- soon being sometime in July.

Well, hopefully not.

A New Year...

...and I guess it is finally time for a new post.

I just spent the past *hour* on itunes looking for songs.

Seriously - I can't get enough music. And I just got the new Squirrel Nut Zippers album for Christmas (Bedlam Ballroom). It is very good - little salsa style in there. Lots of fun to dance to in the kitchen while cooking.

I am also finding...that I like Amy Winehouse. Seriously - girl has a voice. I just might have to buy one of her songs.

And, I am also liking another version of "The First Cut is the Deepest". I have the Cat Stevens, but this other one I found is more interesting. I do not like the Sheryl Crow version.

And I finished watching Tess of the D'ubervilles. GO TO PBS NOW AND VIEW IT!!!

So good...I mean totally watered down, but REALLY good.

It did, however, make me scream not so polite things at the screen. One example would be when I yelled "HIT HIM AGAIN!". El hubbster told me to take a chill pill. And also when the hubbster asked for a description of Alec D'uberville (because he wondered in half way through and got into it and wanted to know more)
and I explained

***warning - my explanation is quite explicit. The faint of heart should look for the next set of ****'s *****

that he was a man who deserved "to be headbutted and then have his balls cut off."

I was told that my description was quite crass. Good thing I didn't mention how he should then be decapitated and his head shoved on a spike with the detached genitalia shoved in his corpsey mouth.

:| What?

Fine - I am being crass. Please forgive me. (though I refuse to edit this post - Alec D'uberville at least got his comeuppance).


********end explicit**************

And I saw "Doubt" and "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button".

:|

I had snow days - what else was I supposed to do!

Doubt was alright - I liked the cast a lot. Meryl Streep should be in every movie - she is AMAZING. And Amy Adams is made of awesome. So is Phillip Seymour Hoffman. I like how they let the movie be just like the play - it has a wonderful ending and it is true to the title.

The CC of BB was made of lame. First of all - I did NOT go to see the movie because of BP. No...see this post for why.

I went to see it because I love Cate Blanchet. Is she not gorgeous? And she can ACT! She made the film.

Otherwise it was just like Forrest Gump if FG was born old.

And I saw Quantum of Solace. It was alright - a bit of loose ties to be tied. Bond is...em. Well, Daniel Craig and Ralph Finnes are my only blond-blue-eyed crushes. *blushes*

Other wise QoS was lame. Daniel Craig was not at ALL.

So, I am also amused by the amount of fan fiction writing I have done - which is none! I need to work on getting it out of my system because I just have all these stories playing around in my head.

Which brings up something I have read - the LAST book in the Princess Diaries Series.

:(

I know - the LAST ONE!

I really like Princess Mia. I don't think I like her decisions in this book, but I really like her. And I am glad that it ended well. The lack of detail in one scene made me want to write PD fan fic! But I refuse since it would be like Ransom of My Heart, the romantic novel Princess Mia "writes".

Yes I read it.

:|

I read it and am affirmed the romance novels are NOT my favorite.

One thing about the last book I adored is how Princess Mia made out in a horse drawn carriage -- that was super cute (I am trying not to give away spoilers in case peeps reading this want to read it).

Oh, I saw Kill Bill (1 and 2). I like Quentin Tarantino - I do. But I don't like the violence...and the misogyny that is trying to disguise itself as feminism. I am disturbed that most females in his move are psycho, physically violent, and extraordinarily beautiful. It just isn't real life.

And as I try to separate the film from the violence, I find what is at the heart of movies I love.

I love interesting characters. I love REALLY quirky characters.

I like unusual plot lines where it is almost predictable what will happen, but then it takes a twist that leads to a more satisfactory ending.

I like stories that are true to the human experience. And I love little details that become vital at the end ('cause I pay attention to little details, but speak in generalities -- basically if I had to give a detailed account it would be TOO detailed).

So, Tarantino appeals to me in the plot. The characters - meh. But his plots are AMAZING!

Wow - this has been a random post - lots of reviews. I would love to hear others opinions in the comments!

Christmas 2008

Ugh - I don't like being on the new calendar.

It seems like a good idea to be in step with the rest of the world -- no confusion about when Christmas is celebrated.

But I am not liking it.

When I was on the old calendar I could ignore all of the cultural and familial pressures to have "The Best Christmas Ever".  I could say "meh, it isn't Christmas yet."

Not so on the new calendar.  I find myself even more and more stressed out about getting gifts finished on time to give to friends and family.

And I even tried to "go green" and vetted the idea of buying my relatives gifts from World Vision with my mother.

There was a pause, and then she said to me, as kindly as mothers can:

"No...I think they want stuff."

Fine - stuff it is.  But on my terms (and some what "green").

I have always been into home made Christmas gifts -- they have so much more meaning when someone has made something especially for you.

But, I did end up buying a few things for various relatives - books, sweaters, etc.  My little bro is "getting" an xBox for Christmas (which I think my dad will spend more time on) and I could have gotten him a game for the system...

...but I bought him 2 books and recorded a song for him from one of the books.

Which is way better than any xbox game...right?

Anyhow, I also wanted to upload pictures of some of my hand made gifts.

 (click on pic to "bigify" it)

I loved making these bags -- tres simple.

I also loved making shawls.

These little scarves were also fun -- I ended up using that flower on more than one occasion...I should make one for myself.

Tea towels are my favorite craft now...

...but they take a lot of time.

So, I started crocheting potholders to make a set (and less tea towel embroidery).

So, I have had a lot of fun making things!

Honestly, the best Christmas present for me would be a project. Give me something to make - the materials and patterns -- and I will give it back to you next Christmas.

It is a win-win really :D

I am most sincerely M.A.D., a.k.a. reproductive rights

So after church (December 7th - aka the day most of the OCA in the Puget Sound area invaded St. K's), the hubbster and I get in the car and he immediately says to me:

"You need to stop giving such...thorough answers to questions."

Me: "ok"

LG: "you don't need to go into such detail."

Me: "ok!"

We had been talking to a gentleman of Brier, WA at the agape meal about: 1)if LG and I are related, 2) if we are the same ethnicity, 3) how long have we been married, 4) if we are planning on having children, 5) birth control, 6) how I don't want children because I teach all day, 7) how children perceive themselves in the world, and 8) how God's plans and our plans intersect and interact with one another.

Seriously - in that order!

I steadfastly exclaim that I do NOT want children in anyway shape or form right now. I am not the "Babies for Jesus" type of woman (you know, has six children and is hoping for number 7 any day now...).

I am more of the the "I need more time to explore myself and buy more shoes type of person."

I am selfish. And I am not afraid to say it.

Babies are a lot of work. They cry. They spit up all over your favorite clothes and consume a vast quantity of your budget. They *ruin* your body if: 1) you are a woman, 2) are a tiny woman who gains a lot of fat just on her own, much less eating for two, and 3) if you are woman whose skin does not stretch particularly well. (so, me basically)

For these reasons, I do not want children. They are not a priority right now - for me.

AND I DON'T CARE!

Yes, I married young. Yes, I like kids, which is why I teach (they are annoying and yet, entertaining - especially when they go home). Yes, I want to have LG's offspring because he has some excellent DNA that needs propagating.

But it doesn't mean that I need to have babies so soon.

Shoot - LG and I still *play*.

For example:

*In Whole Foods looking at baguettes*
LG: "Do you think you could joust with a baguette and break someones arm?"
Me: "Maybe..."
LG: :D "Want to try?"
Me: "Um, we are in a store..."
LG: "Come on..."
*I make a beeline to the check out counter*

Ok, maybe that is not totally how the conversation went, but do you really want me, who contemplated jousting with baguettes in a grocery store, to be a mom?

Don't answer that...

It just seems to me that *some* people out there - Orthodox or not - seem to think that having children by my age should be a priority.

In fact a fair number of people seem gung-ho on the idea.

Me: "meh"

Plus...there is the whole cancer thing.

I only have one boob, which means: 1) breast feeding = not fun, 2) cancer could come back to that boob, and 3) I will totally be lopsided after pregnancy.

I did not explain the cancer thing to the gentleman of Brier, but I was about ready to throw that in since I was being grilled. I need to learn to drink my tea fast and exclaim "oh, this needs refreshing" and sneak away.

So, in conclusion, until I become a little less selfish and vain, I am not ready for the whole kid thing.

But I have put myself on a five year plan...within five years if I get pregnant, than it is God's will.

If not, clearly God agrees that I have some growing up to do.

And that I should buy some more shoes. Or books. Or yarn!

Till then: peeps, friends, *relatives*...

BACK OFF!!!