Gettin' Lucky

I went to Half Price books in search of some Neil Gaiman to read.  I unfortunately did not find what I was looking for, but I browsed the clearance section like my friend Kate who always finds good books there.

As my eyes scanned the many titles, I came across The Lucky Shopping Manual.  Those of you who know me very well would say that I don't need a shopping manual and would probably be better with a book titled The How Not to Shop All the Time Manual.  But I had perused the the Lucky Manual on a trip to Powell's and thought it well done in terms of accessibility and advice. However, at Powell's it was $30 and at HP it was $2.  So I picked up the Lucky book with the slightly crooked spine (probably from being shoved in a purse) and set out to read it.

I agree with most of the chapters.  There are a few exceptions that I don't think account for Orthodox Christians.  We wear a lot of skirts and the authors write that the best hem for a skirt hits at the mid-knee.  "With the top taper of the calf revealed, legs look longer and shapelier; the total effect is cool instead of frumpy."

When one is visiting a monastery, it hardly matters how your legs look -- they should be covered up!

And, on how to wear a long skirt (a snippet I read with interest),  the advice is "a long skirt should just almost touch the floor."

Um, these ladies have obviously not done a lot of prostrations.

When prostrating in long skirts, women often stumble from stepping on the hem (or get trapped in the skirt like I tend to do).  A gal at church did this odd skirt flipping thing on Holy Friday to avoid the predicament of the prostration with skirt that nearly touches the floor.

Also, in summertime, a church can get really hot really fast.  You don't want the skirt to nearly touch the floor because you need a little circulation to stay cool.

However, the snippet on long skirts did advise that drapey long skirts should have a fitted hip, which is true (except you don't wear drapey skirts with fitted hips to monasteries).  Also, "Don't wear heels with long skirts unless it's for evening.  For daytime, stick with refined pointy or plain-toe flats that just peek out the front of the skirt."  Some solid advice there.

And, overall, they write that A-Line skirts work for everyone and long skirts hide thick legs.  

But they write that long  skirts make one look taller.  I disagree.  No long skirt I have ever worn has made me look taller.

Then again, I don't wear my long skirts the way they advise, so that might be my problem.

At the end of each chapter, there is a guide for building closet.  So for a skirt closet the advice is:

2 all-season work skirts  (tropical wool especially)

1 day-to-night skirt (that one can "dress up or down")

2 summer work skirts (skirts that are "crisp and structured")

1 denim skirt

2 summer weekend skirts (again, that you can "dress up or down")

And if you never wear pants: add a summer evening skirt...a winter evening skirt...a leather or suede skirt

Well, so far I have a TON of summer work and weekend skirts, a denim skirt, and a few winter evening skirts.

I have yet to obtain work all-season work skirts or a day-to-night skirt.  Having recently used the guide to clear my wardrobe, I find that I don't think much about skirts at work.  I think a lot about skirts at church because I wear a skirt at church ALL THE TIME (well, except choir practice).

As I cleared out my wardrobe, I had to re-organize the advice of the Lucky book and figure out how to build an Orthodox skirt closet.

I would give the following advice:

First, a good length for a church skirt is one that covers your knees standing and sitting.  One hot summer day I thought I would wear my breeziest and lightest skirt which hit an inch above the knee.  I only realized my mistake when we arrived at church.  I spent the whole service tugging at my skirt and feeling as naked as Eve.

Also, make sure the skirt has some room in the hips and the rear.  I have a lot of "junk in the trunk" ("baby's got back", whatever implies that I have a well endowed butt), therefore I must be very careful in my skirt selection.  You don't want the skirt to be too drapey so that you look ready for a toga party (or like you are playing "dress up"), but you also don't want to be a distraction.  Just make sure your front pelvic bone is not poking through front and there is no bunching in the back.

Another piece of advice:  if you do have a big booty like me, then you will want to avoid skirts with pleats or gathering at the waist.  I was working on eliminating my skirts and noticed I looked an awful lot like an extra from Gone with the Wind and I couldn't put my finger on why. Finally I realized that the pleats and gathering at the waist plus my massive tosh give the impression of a crinoline.  Circle skirts work well as do skirts with pleating further down the hips.  Skirts that have one big pleat in front do not work because the pleat does not balance with what is going on in back.  But pleats at the waist, if you have a butt like I do, do not flatter AT ALL.

This next piece of a advice comes via The Pumpkin King -- don't wear a skirt to church that has a large slit in the back because you never know when you will have to do a prostration. And, if you know you will have to do prostrations (Forgiveness Vespers, Holy Friday, Elevation of the Cross, etc.) check your skirt for modesty.  In fact, during Lent, I do a skirt check with my husband.  We call it the "Prostration Check" -- does anything show or look immodest when I do a prostration?  It is highly useful to have someone check for you (or look in a mirror).

Also, a long skirt and a turtleneck is a NO.  I never realized it before, but it does make one look stumpy.  Unless you are fulfilling some sort of penance or visiting a monastery, wear layers or a scarf to keep warm in a drafty church.  Also, if I wear a scarf around my neck, I wear a short headscarf or a hat.  Otherwise you look like a turtle. 

So, for building a CHURCH SKIRT closet you are totally covered if you have...

1 all season skirt (I would go with a tropical wool in camel or Carmel)

1 winter skirt (I would again go for wool and advise a long length -- church can be drafty. Charcoal grey is a nice color for winter)

1 bright season skirt (something light colored and light weight -- I have several in greens and blues)

1 denim skirt (great for Vespers)

1 skirt for Pascha (white would be best, but something really colorful would work too so you can mix and match tops every year.  I would also make this skirt mid-length with a lining.  It is often cold during the Pascha procession, so you'll want to keep warm, but it can be hot in a crowed church, so layering is essential)

1 skirt for a Monastery Pilgrimage (one long dark skirt that is not tight anywhere -- all season material is best)

If you want to add more...a nice skirt for Pentecost (in green), a nice skirt for Nativity (warm, but bright in color), a skirt for Holy Friday or Saturday (a skirt that is dark and nice for the funeral of the Lord).

So...all you Orthodox ladies out there...am I forgetting anything?  I mean, this is the BARE ESSENTIALS.  Overtime, I would add more summer skirts.  I get more crossover in my wardrobe from my summer skirts for church than my winter skirts for church.

While it may seem base and vain to think of such matters as church skirts (and perhaps it is),   my mother taught me that you should always dress with respect and reverence for church -- wearing the proper things for the occasion.   Orthodox Christianity calls on all of your five senses for worship and to me one of those senses is clothes (or fashion sense...ha ha!).  

Seriously though, I feel a certain way when I wear certain clothes.  When I go to church to join with the world in praising God and seeking union through the sacraments, I want to go in my "wedding garment", my best and most appropriate clothing.  If I were inappropriately dressed, I would feel worse  -- that I have not the wherewithal to get properly dressed to stand before God.  In Haiti, some of the Christians do not go to church because they have no clothes.  While I am not in extreme poverty, I understand that feeling.  And I don't judge others by what they are wearing because I feel one must always assume the best -- what one wears to church is the best of their wardrobe.

It is the "robe of my soul" that needs to shine.  If I wear my best, it is effort to show a fear of God, to try for a true wedding garment -- a garment for my soul that will be worthy before Him.