Koliva

My first attempt at making koliva was not so good. Lance was all excited when he saw me mixing it in the bowl and begged me to save a little for him when I came back from the Liturgy for the Departed.

I came back home with about 4 cups of koliva and that is a low estimation. While the koliva looked pretty, it was unbelievably crunchy due to the very undercooked wheat berries. I served Lance a cup of koliva and our conversation went something like this.

Lance: "I really have to chew this stuff."

Me: "I know; I needed to let the wheat berries cook longer."

(minutes later)

Lance: "My jaw is hurting from having to chew so much."

Me: "Then stop eating it!"

(I walk away in a huff)

I tried to re-constitute the koliva by adding hot water to it. Sadly, I forgot that when one heats sugar and water together, one makes simple syrup. The simple syrup then combines with the graham cracker crumbs to form a sort of honey gravy.

The result being slightly underdone wheat berries with lots of hot fruit and almonds in a honey gravy.

This morning, as Lance watched me eat my syrupy concoction, our conversation went something like this:

Lance: "How is it?"

Me: (I explained the chemistry of trying to revive the koliva)

Lance: "Hmmm...well I did like it."

Me: "No you didn't."

Lance: "Well, it was your first try!"

Me: "Which means you still didn't like it. Don't say you did when you didn't."

Lance: "I liked the way it tasted."

Me: "If that is the only thing you liked, then you didn't like it."

Lance: (opens mouth)

Me: "Just drop it -- let's talk about something else."

I guess some koliva is better than none at all.