Gallbladder Crisis of Conscience

Here is a gallbladder.

I remember dissecting various specimens (cadavers included) and not paying very careful attention to this lovely organ. However, I have become quite aware of it because of the pain I have been in lately.

Apparently, my gallbladder is full of tiny stones and lots of calcium billirubinate. Those two items should not be there -- it is equivalent to having soda and cheerios in your fishtank when there should be only fish and water. So, instead of my digestive system receiving the bile it should to help me digest fat, it is receiving nothing or this calcium substance -- at least this is what I have been able to piece together.

When my stomach has not received these enzymes, it tends to cramp under my right ribcage and just below my sternum. I have had this pain off and on for about a year, but doctors were unable to diagnose what was wrong with me. Finally, after two days of cramps, I went to a new doctor (due to insurance changes), who immediately thought I might have gallstones.

Apparently, many women during pregnancy, and after, can develop gallstones. The hormonal changes prompt one's gallbladder to go haywire. It is also a prevalent disease in the Hispanic/Mexican community (especially for women) due to obesity and diet. It also happens to run in families.

Now, I am Mexican who has several relatives short a gallbladder and I was slightly overweight prior to pregnancy, so gallstones shouldn't be a shock to me. But it is. How many more organs am I going to lose before I am forty? I am already down a pair of adenoids and a breast -- and I consider myself pretty healthy.

Getting my gallbladder out would mean having to give up ALL CHEESY, SPICY loveliness that I eat. No more enchiladas, quesadillas, pizza, chile rellenos, brie & fig sandwiches, GRILLED CHEESE, vodka, BEER, chocolate, anything fried, etc.

The news of what my diet would become has sent me into crisis.

First of all, I am so accustomed to eating whatever I want. For a few years, I had to give up chocolate and coffee (caffeine basically) because I thought I had fibrocystic condition, and it was a hardship. Still, when I was diagnosed breast cancer, the one solace I had was that I could have chocolate. If I was going to die, I was going to die happy (and possibly with a Toblerone in my hand).

With this diagnosis, there is no solace except for an answer for the physical discomfort I have felt for about a year and a half. I have always been happy to eat whatever I wanted. I remember being a serious fasting-freak when I first became Orthodox before deciding that offending people and being a noisome wasn't worth it. If I was out to dinner with folks, I would not make a big deal about fasting because what was more important was to love the people I was with than to be pharisee about what I eat.

Second of all, now that I will have to go on a fairly strict, no-fat diet I will turn into one of "those" girls.

"Those" girls are the girls who don't eat anything while you are gorging on a piece of molten chocolate cake. They have one slice of pizza (no crust) while you eat an entire pie. They make a fuss about the type of food they eat when you just order whatever you want off the menu.

Not that I dislike girls who do this, I just find it sad. Why worry and fret about your thighs when there is brie to eat? Not that one should have brie everyday, but once in a while, it is good to indulge.

Of course, in all of this reflecting on my diet, I have come to realize that perhaps I do indulge myself a bit much. I can consume half a bag of baked cheese crunchies because, well, it tastes good and is a 1/3 of the fat of cheetos. However, the problem isn't so much the source as the quantity. I could buy locally produced brie from a producer who feeds his cows only choice grass and plays them classical music, but that doesn't make the brie have less fat.

Finally, there are very few things I am good at doing. Many of you may be aghast at this thought, but I find it true. I am a fairly good crocheter and can draw a straight line. I am pretty good at math and explaining how math works along with diagnosing when folks have computational issues or problem solving issues. I can sing, though often flat -- but I am reliable when performing with a group. I can read and remember almost everything I have read (to the annoyance/amusement of many).

The one thing I consider myself REALLY good at is cooking. I love cooking and I have always loved cooking. I can dissect food and tell what is in it. I can interpret recipes and find ways to make them better. Generally, people like my cooking.

Now what will I do when I am limited in my cooking? Seriously, I think one of the reasons Lance fell in love with me is because I knew how to cook and it continues to improve. He loves when I make roasts and reuben sandwiches for him. He teases me (I think) that I do not bake enough for him. Lance has been nothing but supportive through all of this, but it is hard not to think of "cupboard love" being a part of our marriage.

With all of these negative thoughts running around in my head, I have had to try to think positively. The one piece of advice I was given that I have tried to stick to is to think of at least three good thoughts for every one bad one that you have about a person/situation.

So, I have a complied a list of 10 things that will be good about my gallbladder being removed.

10. I will be forced to lose weight with a diet -- For years I have wanted to lose 10 pounds or so in order to be healthy. I would start running, swimming, Bollywood dancing in attempts to get back into shape without any regard to what I was eating. Now I will have to pay attention and hopefully get down to a healthy weight of 110.

(A majority of the list from here on out is food. Though it might be easy to say "But you won't be able to have...", I have to think positively. I can substitute butter and live without fried food.)

9. BEETS -- Lance grows a lot of these, so it is a good thing it is a recommended food!

8. SUSHI -- I love sushi and apparently on this new diet I should eat more fish. Hurray for sushi!

7. BERRIES -- Good thing I live in the Pacific Northwest where berries are abundant and plentiful. Nina and I will have to do more berry picking this summer and stock our freezer full!

6. YOGURT -- I love yogurt and it is one of the few dairy products I will be able to have post-surgery (along with cottage cheese, which I have only eaten once and thought was ok).

5. APPLES -- I have an apple a day because I love apples. I hope to perfect my pie making skills so Lance can still enjoy apple pie!

4. EGGS -- I do love eggs and I can still have one occasionally and in baked items!

3. OLIVE OIL -- After surgery it is highly recommended that I have olive oil and I love to cook with it! I am also supposed to have a shot of it along with lemon juice in the morning. I will have to see about this...

2. AVOCADOS -- At first I thought these would be out of my diet, but it just so happens that all of the good fat will help flush out the toxins that the gallbladder bile would normally flush! So, YAY because I cannot imagine a world without avocados -- it is a vegan staple!

1. Maybe Nina won't need to have her gallbladder out! -- I know I can't blame DNA and culture for everything, but possibly less fried chicken, okra, corn on the cob (no joke, it was tasty) and less beef will be good so that our little one can be healthy!