For Those Non-Facebook Users

Tired

I am so tired of applying for jobs. The rejection really gets to you and you just want to give up. Or send a cover letter like this:

To Whom It May Concern,

I am applying for a job.

I know that might be obvious as you are reading this cover letter, but I am frankly bored by the whole process of applying for jobs. I continually revamp my cover letters and resumes, carefully tailoring them to every job I apply for and never get. Well, enough is enough. I WANT TO WORK ALREADY! Chances are you already know who you will hire and, if you are the type of person I do NOT want to work for, it will be someone you know from college. But, you had to post the position to be fair, or legal, or fairly legal. If that is the case, just stop reading now because I don't work for your kind. If you are honest, then read on please.

I am smart enough to know that there are at least 100 cover letters that are coming across your desk and you probably skim over the detailed descriptions of folks' past experiences.

I will make mine short and sweet: I went to college, I read a lot of books, I graduated, and I taught middle school for eight years. I am incredibly tech savvy and communicate well. I could run this country much less whatever job I am sending this letter to in hopes of gaining employment.

Why did I give up teaching? Because I have a child now and teaching sucks up a lot of one’s home time -- time that I would rather give to my child and husband. Sure, the opinion of a teacher’s work is rather low right now. Apparently I spent eight years baby-sitting and only working 5 hours a day for only 9 months of the year.

I wonder what happened to all those hours when I woke up at 5 a.m. to start grading papers or planning for some thrilling lesson. I wonder about all of those hours of professional development outside of school or during the summer, not to mention the time I spent after school tutoring students so that they could feel confident in who they are much less confident about math (which I taught for seven of those eight year). All those papers I took home to grade over Christmas vacation were gifts from my students (at least they were being thrifty).

I guess the 40+ hours I worked was only a fiction maintained in my head for eight years – which is odd because I never showed up for work intoxicated or high. Not once. Ever. Did I mention that I taught junior high? A little something something would have made it all much more bearable, but I chose to be competent rather than crude.

I have chased after rowdy kindergarteners during a cultural drumming exhibition (to the delight of my eighth graders), maintained blogs with countless pdfs so no child would be left behind when she conveniently left the rubric for a project due the next day in her locker for the past two months, had less than friendly conversations with parents who expected me to raise their child and teach them grammar, as well as changed my grades when a student at the 12^th hour finally turned in an assignment that would change her D- to a C-.

I been to Hades and back – it was fun but not thrilling, and compared to taking care of my baby, your job would a vacation.

I work hard for the money. So hard for it, honey. I could be a stellar employee if you would just hire me – and if you have a sense of humor.

If not, then clearly I am not the employee for you.

Kind Regards,

J. J. K.